Another T-Girl Blog about a 20something Girl starting her transition from male to female It doesn't get any more real than this :)
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Belated updates
So hey everyone hadn't made a blog post in a while so just thought i would update everyone on my progress so far.
So i've had my 1st appointment with the Gender Clinic here. and if im being honest i feel mixed about it.
I didn't really know what to expect going into the meeting, i mean i knew what we were going to be talking about but i find the prospect of opening up like that to someone new (and a bit of a psychatrist) hard.
I remeber sitting in the waiting room my heart was pounding about what was going to happen but the physican was really nice, asked me lots of questions that i knew the answers to in my head i knew what i wanted but the words wouldnt come out right... i must of looked and sounded like a gibbering wreck.
But ive been referred to the next psychatrist for a more in depth probing of my mind.. could be a few months wait tho. I realised that for most clinics there is a long wait and thats just testimony to how many people there are out there just like us.
Now theres a twist in the tale, the next day i got fired from work, now this is a hinderence to going full time as i now need to look for a new job and get job secure before i let them know. I only say this as noone out there is going to help me, not my parents , my friends are skint and i need to be 100% self sufficient.
I know people say on other youtube channels that its hard, and it is. Noone tells you about the little things that just make you, well you.
Style errors , and im sure we have all had them, looking back at some old photos i cringe at the thought of what i was wearing, but its all about growing and developing into the girl YOU! want to be.
Dont let anyone tell you diffrent..if you want to wear an alice band on your head.. Do it! As long as you feel right.
A plus side however to not working at the moment is living Full time, without the constrictions of work. Which i am LOOOVING!
Even taking those steps and if need be, pushing yourself out the door in more and more femm attire to say to the world (and more importantly to yourself) I am here, this is me finally. Dont like it move on.
And for those still worrying about these things then trust me when i say that yes there are time when someone looks at me and i fluff a little, but these people wont remeber you in 5 minutes time, heck ill be supprised if they remeber you 2 minutes later... this is the nature of humans... focus on yourself not on others.
As for my parents.. they still haven't really come round. I think my dad has however started looking at some of the links i sent him with information i hope he passes this information onto my mum as its wierd not being able to just pick up the phone to them.. this time i truley feel i am on my own... Wierd or what??
Also (and i know its a long shot) if theres any scottish girls should come across this i would love for you to get in touch and say hello. I did put an ad on gumtree but all i got was responses like:-
- Wots(sic) a tgirl
- Respectable businessman looking to meet you
- Hey baby, send me photos for hot nsa
Now any ad that starts - Just looking for friends i wouldnt think oh i know ill try and get in her panties!! Its just pathetic in my opinion :(
K
xx
Friday, 20 July 2012
Always look on the bright side of life :D
I'll tell you what I mean..
Every year or so my life seems to go through a major good patch followed by a massive all in one drama bomb.
For example, I'll be doing ok at life, bills payed , got a job some spare cash. Home life is ok everything seems alright life is good.
.. This is when it all goes wrong..
Usually it starts at home .. Little thins with flat mates. Something will happen that starts a chain event .
Following this it goes to work. Things get wibbly to say the least.
Then someone might say let's have a big night out, book a holiday and have some fun.
Then I come back and your work try to tactically remove you. You start feeling uncomfortable in your own home .
This is where I am now .. But I know from being here before exactly what do do.. Things will be ok cause as this part of your life changes.. Sometimes for the best sometimes not exactly how your going...
But this is my advice to you Should you ever find yourself In this situation whatever happens .. You can always limit the damage and when the dust settles get back on track ..
Its not as hard as you think. Just stay calm and think it through..
K
Xx
Sunday, 15 July 2012
A pleasant afternoon in the city
So yesterday was Glasgow Pride. And what a pride it was indeed.
My day didn't actually start till later on as i had to go into work for 4 hours in the morning so didn't start getting ready till 2.
My friend and her cousins who are currently over from South Africa came over and we had a little drink here whilst i got ready. Then to my surprise and joy they all chipped in to give me a hand :)
It was amazing being out and OUT at the same time. We started at the concert in George Square where there was some stalls, a bar and loads of people.. To my supprise here of all places i didn't bump into anyone i knew.
Then we moved onto the Merchant City. Well known for being Glasgows Gay area. We hit a few more bars before my South African comrades had to move on as they were staying miles out of town. So my and my friend decided to go grab a bite to eat.
This would be my first time dining out in public as myself. Ok so im not going to lie. I did get a few looks, but to be honest it was nothing i couldn't handle. Something about the day just helped ease any fears.
After this we did bump into someone i knew.. who has since tried to tag me in this photo on my facebook (this is why i am an advocate of tagline review) So anyone who didn't know .. now does.
I was a little worse for wear by then. My hair had come a little undone but gives you the chance to see a full pic of me.
As the night drew to a close though i found myself in a taxi home with a driver who didn't realise anything until i opened my mouth. Just another reason to keep working on my voice.
I loved pride was soo much fun.
My only issue was i didn't really make any new friends as such which is kinda what i really wanted to do.
I did make a contact at the concert stalls with a lovely girl called Rose who said that she was part of a group for Tgirls in the area and that she would get in touch.. So the future is bright there :)
As for today, spent most of it in the house. Tomorrow i am back at work a rather anticlimactic end to a week off (bar the 4 hours i had to do, but thats a whine for another day)
K
xxx
Friday, 13 July 2012
Taste the rainbow!
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Came out to my parents !!
The answer, ive been busy! Very busy.
I recently came out to my parents, thats the biggest news. How did it go?? Well honestly i dont know what to say. They were shocked (which came as a supprise to me as i was always convinced they knew)
My mother isn't talking to me at the moment.. but i hope she will come round.
My Dad called me not long after i sent the email to them and asked a few questions. I could hear the hurt in his voice he tried to hide it but i could tell in his voice.
To be honest im glad its out there i feel i can move on with becoming me now. If it means i loose them then i loose them. He said that they dont really agree with it but time is a healer and over time they will hopefully come round and accept it they same way i have.
Also i have been out more and more as myself... it still annoys me that i have to live as a guy at work, but the kind of place im in is definently not ready for that yet.. and being honest to myself neither am i. I want to look my best when i come out at work and thats not going to be for a while yet.. at least till im on the hormones.
Looks wise im getting more confident in my appearance, still not 100% happy, but with more practice and work i will get there.
Glasgow Pride is coming up this weekend and i intend to be 'out and proud'. I know i will meet people there that know me, which was also part of the reason why i choose this as the time to tell my parents. Rather it came from me than someone else.
Confidence in who we are and what we want in life will elate to all round happiness... theres a quote you can have for free
And i know everyone loves a pic, so heres how i look at the moment :)
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Out and about
I recorded a quick vid the other night before i went out you can see it below
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Wednesday, 23 May 2012
Meow!!
Ever since I was a child I wanted a cat but was never allowed one and now I have one!!! I'm soooo happy here's a pic to show him off!!
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Strength
I ment to post this along with my last post.. its a song that gives me strength (there are more honestly).
Music feeds the soul... and this song sums up how i feel at the moment
Honesty really is the best policy
For those that dont know , i usually have to live in guy mode during the week as i have to goto work and make the pennies. I dont usually make friends easily but this weekend things changed. I was called by one of the girls i work with who as it turns out is a neighbour of mine. She invited me over for some drinks.
Now at this point i still had my nails done, a full face on and i decided to throw caution into the wind and just go as i was.. And she couldn't of been cooler with it all. I stuck by my guns of being as open an honest as i can be with new people i meet. I feel that the more open i am at the start the easier things will be when i go 100% full time. Less people to 'come out' too.
So we went over and i had one of the best nights of my life.. we chatted till the small hours about life the universe and everything inbetween. She even suggested a girls night out ^_^ EEEK :)
I've found with the exception of a few that most people have been cool with everything..this helps my confidence to no end.
Same with Sunday, i met an old 'friend' who i haven't really seen in years, and we went round the park and had a natter and ice cream. Safe to say this weekend was definently a good one.. minus a fashion disaster that still makes me cringe soo much i dont think i can even type it. One to class as a learning curve for myself i think :/
So thats all for today really, got some more pics (love how confident i feel now to pictures online) will do this later this week i thinks
K
xx
Saturday, 19 May 2012
I made a video
Friday, 18 May 2012
The Past , Present and Future (and finally some pics)
In the past I was guilty of not updating, not interacting or being true to myself, and if you cant be true to yourself then how is anyone else going to take what you say seriously.
So i have made a promise to myself, to update this blog as often as i can.. even if its just a random musing and this promise i will keep to myself.
I think things will be easier with this now as i have moved house! Its gorgeous ^_^ I love my room and could spend all my days in here.. but that would be boring. Advantages of this room is i now have a desk that i can sit at and type/work on blog and just be more productive :)
Also i have a little dressing table area now where i can practice makeup and hair, which i didn't really have in my old house, this new house has a vibe about it that just makes you feel at ease.
Heres a couple of snaps:-
At the moment though life is mostly good. I recently sat down with my flatmates and told them the story, who i was and what i intend on doing with regards to transitioning and the future. One of the girls asked my loads of questions to which i duefully answered (oh in case you were unaware, i live with 2 girls). The other girl was ok, didn't really have much to say which i suppose is fair enough.
I also came out to an old friend of mine, who is dating my best friend now. He was a completely different kettle of fish. We were at a festival for my friends birthday and i had to tell him as he was going to wonder why i was wearing a dress and calling myself Katie..
He took it well at first, but as he got more drunk, he just got quite offensive with what he was saying.. i think his heart was in the right place .. just not his mouth tho lol :)
But coming out to these people and standing up for myself has helped me gain more strength.. Not only in who i am, but standing up to other people and not worrying as much about what other people think just focusing on myself and my own happieness.
Now this brings us to the future... The most exciting part.
I NOW HAVE AN APPOINTMENT DATE WITH THE LOCAL GENDER THERAPIST!!!!
Im over the moon, soo excited. Its been a year of waiting, but finally i will be on the yellow brick road to the oz of finally being in my true gender.. Its been many years coming, but im more at peace now i know its happening, im still nervous yeah, and i dont handle excitement or anticipation well (i still dont sleep properly on christmas eve)
So thats where im at, this is what the future now holds...
Stay tuned kids, cause this is where it gets exciting!!!
K
xxx
Saturday, 5 May 2012
Im not dead!!
Im in the process of moving house, i have recently spent a lot of money on shopping and have started the 'real life expirience' in anticipation of my 1st appointment on 1st August to see a gender therapist (its been nearly a year waiting on the appointment)
Im over the moon... i have also come out to a few more people and all has been good.
I will update more in a couple of days when im settled..
K
xxx
Saturday, 7 April 2012
Topicality
http://www.buzzfeed.com/amyodell/video-the-transgender-miss-universe-contestant-sp
Katie
xx
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Is that my face?
Its a bit rubbish at the moment, but if your into that kind of thing then you can see me
Here
Katie
xx
Saturday, 31 March 2012
Parties, heels and Mascara! A coming out story!
Ill start with last Saturday. It was a friend of mines birthday. A night out on the town!! How Splendid, how marvelous joy of joys. Tonight was to be the night that Katie stepped out on the town to show off how amazing and wonderfull she was... what could possibly go wrong?
Saturday morning involved a little shopping trip. I had really wanted to get my hands on a sequin top but couldn't find the excact picture i had in my head but i did get something similar. Unbeknown to be that the material it was made from was an exeptionally good insulator :/
With my makeup and heels on, hair looking perfect. I was ready to hit the town with the girls... finally i could open up and have a girls night out!! YAY!
We got to the club and had a little dance... then things went a little west! The club was a bit smaller than most clubs.. infact i think i have seen bigger living rooms in my life. And it was hot and sweaty... and i wasn't wearing waterproof eyeliner.. So i ended up with panda face not long into the night... thus i shy-ed away from photographs... not a good feeling :(
I went from feeling amazing to ugly, and when we got back to the house after the night out, started feeling worse as i was sure one of the girls was making fun of me behind my back.
My friend assured me she wasn't (i trust her not to lie to me) but i was convinced i had heard her.. imagined it in my mind i suppose, but that scares me. I have had expiriences in the past where i was convinced people were talking about me (dont get me wrong people have, and i have heard them) but for me to imagine it makes me worry about my actuall state of mind at the moment.. am i becoming ill (and i dont mean physically :?)
I wonder if i am the only person who imagines things like this.. obviouslly not, but i wonder if other TGirls have had the same expirience.. This i would love to know
So a mixed feeling about last weekend, and it has played on my mind all week... Would it be easier to just give up on what i want? Conform to the normal and just live out my existance till its over?
NO! i dont!! Thats what i have done for the past 27 years of my life! Ignored whats on the inside! Ok maybe where i am isn't the best place to be starting transition socially ... but where is?? At least here i have friends nearby (and i use that term loosly at the moment)
Lots more to tell, but i shall keep that dear readers... for another post!
Katie
xx
P.S Hello to my first follower!!! LOVE having at least one person reading this self depricating unorganised blog.. Ill buy you a chocolate bar!
xxx
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
The Secret Continues
Now as i have stated in the past i am still part time.. keeping my main femme days to weekends due to work commitments.. but this weekend was diffrent. I had a friend come up from down south to stay with me, who is none the wiser to why i packed up my old life and fled on the first carrage out of there (when i say carrage i mean train) and it was horrible. Not seeing my friend, that was wonderfull. Im talking about having to have 'boy mode' activated and not being able to be myself.
Now i know what your saying... "but katie, haven't you done this for years" Well yes i have, thanks for asking mystery voice of the internet. Seeing as i have become more confident and self accepting of myself, i live for the weekend.. but this one is full of pictures of male me which i hate. I dont like how i look and dont get me started on hiding femme mannerisms. Even the little things like my nails (which didn't go unnoticed) i had to be aware of.
This fills me with a little bit of fear, as i know one day im going to come out to my parents, but in the meantime when i meet them i will have to try and hide things.. and my mum is like a hawk! she will suss me out :/
But the only way is up as the song goes..
I recieved an email this week from susansplace.. to which i had subbmitted this site to when i first set it up (and then forgot about the submission) So im there now.. on a link site... so people can actually find me *GULP*
That combined with my youtube channel to which i have just posted my 1st video.. Its terrible though. I had tried to edit it with the youtube video editor which has let me down :( So there i am trying to be all cool and 1st timey and i look like a bit of an idiot bobbing up and down like a rubber duck in the bath. But its there, its done and there is nothing i can do about it now
Ill put the link on here somewhere (if i can figure it out)
And i do promise to update more (got a new phone and laptop, so if i dont i have just wasted a lot of monies!!)
Katie
xxx
Saturday, 25 February 2012
The potatoes did it!
Oh dear, do I feel fragile today! Last night was vodka night.. ended up a little worse for wear shall we say!
Todays recovery has been aided by me watching an absurd number of transition videos on YouTube. Some I've seen before others are new. But one thing is parent apparent from watching them... I want to get started now!!
I know transitioning takes time...years intact so it looks like aswell as confidence, I also need to learn to be patient. Grr
On the plus side, both my housemates are cool with what's going to happen, had a jolly good chat last night . So this Friday Katie is going on the razzle dazzle in town. I can't wait. This is going to be one help of a long week!
I'm sure there will be pictures, I don't think ill put them on here yet tho... Don't think I'm ready to let them loose on the world... Even if it is on a secret little blog that noone reads. I'm not bothered either , this is for me. I decide when things happen and what goes on here!
Anyways, away for dinner and chat with a few girlies, so a good night ahead :D
Xxxx
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
An appointment is all i ask!
No matter when i phoned, i kept getting the answering machine. I do hope they answer tomorrow feel like i need to really get moving now. I have really been pushing myself alot lately, to build confidence and hopefully this will help me achieve my next milestone point.
I know its a poor post this one, but an update none the less....
Katie
xx
Sunday, 19 February 2012
The Sunday Update
Alot has happened this week. After living in basic poverty the past couple of months, i finally got paid from my new job. Which has perked me up to no avail. They say money cant buy you happiness, but it certinally makes me feel alot better. So after paying all my bills off, and sorting out financies, i had just enough spare to have not only a night out, but also to do a little shopping :)
So i got some new jeans, a pair of boots that are fast becoming my favorite.I was bold as i could be and bought them in a shop, no silly excuses about them being for a girlfriend. Just bought them and paid. I dont know why i succumb to 'the fear' as i had no trouble. I know that if i take the little steps then the big steps will be alot easier when it comes around.
So Friday came around and it was the staff night out. I got my nails done, straightened my hair, got my new jeans and boots on. I teamed it with a male tshirt thats a bit androgynous and a little cardigan. I had a BALL!! seriously i felt amazing. The only problem is i get very loose lipped when i get a drink in me and i hate to think what i was telling people. Oh well.. keep my head high and carry on!
Today was another good day, Went out to the shops, nails, hair, and femme outfit on.. I still had the comfort of having my headphones on, to block out the sound and stares of the world. But its something im going to have to get used to... day by day (Oh my i sound like a recovering addict)
Ok, i still haven't had the guts and gusto to go out in a dress... but that day is coming.. i know as i can feel it.
So with confidence levels building and feeling more comfortable in myself i cant wait for my next pay day when i will have more money for myself and i can get a new wig, a better one that costs a little more than the one i have now... oh and new clothes of course :)
I would also like to say Hi to anyone who is actually reading this (why anyone would want to ). I dont bite and would love to hear from anyone, either in comments or via my email
Katiegl84@gmail.com
Katie
xxxx
Sunday, 12 February 2012
A refreshing update!
Also has happened since my last post. I have moved into a house with 2 other (real)girls, changed job completely and had a shopping spree.
So all is going well, apart from progression forwards. I know what i want to do , but i still have trouble finding the strength within to do it. I feel tho i have got better, and have started wearing nail varnish to work, and femme jeans.. Got some looks but ill survive, its character building right??
But what i dont like is people talking about me when im standing right in front of them.
1 its rude!
2.its really rude
3.who the hell are you to tell me how to live my life!
but its hard to stand up to people at the time, but trust me, there day will come, they will get there comeuppance mark my words
Katie
xx