Its been a week since i last updated and ALOT has happened!
Ill
start with last Saturday. It was a friend of mines birthday. A night
out on the town!! How Splendid, how marvelous joy of joys. Tonight was
to be the night that Katie stepped out on the town to show off how
amazing and wonderfull she was... what could possibly go wrong?
Saturday
morning involved a little shopping trip. I had really wanted to get my
hands on a sequin top but couldn't find the excact picture i had in my
head but i did get something similar. Unbeknown to be that the material
it was made from was an exeptionally good insulator :/
With
my makeup and heels on, hair looking perfect. I was ready to hit the
town with the girls... finally i could open up and have a girls night
out!! YAY!
We got to the club and had a little dance... then things went a
little west! The club was a bit smaller than most clubs.. infact i think
i have seen bigger living rooms in my life. And it was hot and
sweaty... and i wasn't wearing waterproof eyeliner.. So i ended up with
panda face not long into the night... thus i shy-ed away from
photographs... not a good feeling :(
I went from feeling amazing to ugly, and when we got back to the house after the night out, started feeling worse as i was sure one of the girls was making fun of me behind my back.
My friend assured me she wasn't (i trust her not to lie to me) but i was convinced i had heard her.. imagined it in my mind i suppose, but that scares me. I have had expiriences in the past where i was convinced people were talking about me (dont get me wrong people have, and i have heard them) but for me to imagine it makes me worry about my actuall state of mind at the moment.. am i becoming ill (and i dont mean physically :?)
I wonder if i am the only person who imagines things like this.. obviouslly not, but i wonder if other TGirls have had the same expirience.. This i would love to know
So a mixed feeling about last weekend, and it has played on my mind all week... Would it be easier to just give up on what i want? Conform to the normal and just live out my existance till its over?
NO! i dont!! Thats what i have done for the past 27 years of my life! Ignored whats on the inside! Ok maybe where i am isn't the best place to be starting transition socially ... but where is?? At least here i have friends nearby (and i use that term loosly at the moment)
Lots more to tell, but i shall keep that dear readers... for another post!
Katie
xx
P.S Hello to my first follower!!! LOVE having at least one person reading this self depricating unorganised blog.. Ill buy you a chocolate bar!
xxx
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