Parties, heels and Mascara! A coming out story!

Its been a week since i last updated and ALOT has happened!

Ill start with last Saturday. It was a friend of mines birthday. A night out on the town!! How Splendid, how marvelous joy of joys. Tonight was to be the night that Katie stepped out on the town to show off how amazing and wonderfull she was... what could possibly go wrong?

Saturday morning involved a little shopping trip. I had really wanted to get my hands on a sequin top but couldn't find the excact picture i had in my head but i did get something similar. Unbeknown to be that the material it was made from was an exeptionally good insulator :/

With my makeup and heels on, hair looking perfect. I was ready to hit the town with the girls... finally i could open up and have a girls night out!! YAY!


We got to the club and had a little dance... then things went a little west! The club was a bit smaller than most clubs.. infact i think i have seen bigger living rooms in my life. And it was hot and sweaty... and i wasn't wearing waterproof eyeliner.. So i ended up with panda face not long into the night... thus i shy-ed away from photographs... not a good feeling :(


I went from feeling amazing to ugly, and when we got back to the house after the night out, started feeling worse as i was sure one of the girls was making fun of me behind my back.


My friend assured me she wasn't (i trust her not to lie to me) but i was convinced i had heard her.. imagined it in my mind i suppose, but that scares me. I have had expiriences in the past where i was convinced people were talking about me (dont get me wrong people have, and i have heard them) but for me to imagine it makes me worry about my actuall state of mind at the moment.. am i becoming ill (and i dont mean physically :?)


I wonder if i am the only person who imagines things like this.. obviouslly not, but i wonder if other TGirls have had the same expirience.. This i  would love to know


So a mixed feeling about last weekend, and it has played on my mind all week... Would it be easier to just give up on what i want? Conform to the normal and just live out my existance till its over?
NO! i dont!! Thats what i have done for the past 27 years of my life! Ignored whats on the inside! Ok maybe where i am isn't the best place to be starting transition socially ... but where is?? At least here i have friends nearby (and i use that term loosly at the moment)


Lots more to tell, but i shall keep that dear readers... for another post!




Katie


xx




P.S Hello to my first follower!!! LOVE having at least one person reading this self depricating unorganised blog.. Ill buy you a chocolate bar!


xxx

The Secret Continues

The hardest thing about keeping a blog is looking at this blank space and starting to write. Usually i come up with inspiration when i am nowhere near a computer.. and this week has been no exception.

Now as i have stated in the past i am still part time.. keeping my main femme days to weekends due to work commitments.. but this weekend was diffrent. I had a friend come up from down south to stay with me, who is none the wiser to why i packed up my old life and fled on the first carrage out of there (when i say carrage i mean train) and it was horrible. Not seeing my friend, that was wonderfull. Im talking about having to have 'boy mode' activated and not being able to be myself.

Now i know what your saying... "but katie, haven't you done this for years" Well yes i have, thanks for asking mystery voice of the internet. Seeing as i have become more confident and self accepting of myself, i live for the weekend.. but this one is full of pictures of male me which i hate. I dont like how i look and dont get me started on hiding femme mannerisms. Even the little things like my nails (which didn't go unnoticed) i had to be aware of.

This fills me with a little bit of fear, as i know one day im going to come out to my parents, but in the meantime when i meet them i will have to try and hide things.. and my mum is like a hawk! she will suss me out :/

But the only way is up as the song goes..

I recieved an email this week from susansplace.. to which i had subbmitted this site to when i first set it up (and then forgot about the submission) So im there now.. on a link site... so people can actually find me *GULP*

That combined with my youtube channel to which i have just posted my 1st video.. Its terrible though. I had tried to edit it with the youtube video editor which has let me down :( So there i am trying to be all cool and 1st timey and i  look like a bit of an idiot bobbing up and down like a rubber duck in the bath. But its there, its done and there is nothing i can do about it now

Ill put the link on here somewhere (if i can figure it out)

And i do promise to update more (got a new phone and laptop, so if i dont i have just wasted a lot of monies!!)

Katie

xxx