It really really could happen.

Well... today I made my first contact with the clinic. I'm on my way.. ahhh!

So here's how it went down..

I called up and made the appointment , the woman on the other end of the phoned asked my my age. When I told her she said "oh so your old" Not what I wanted to hear,especially seeing as i am having a quarter life crisis these days. Then I couldn't find my address for the new house.. pretty sure I have gave her the wrong flat number :( so ill have to check when I move that I got it right.

I was told that they will be sending me a confirmation letter as standard procedure but my appointment may not be till the new year.

I expected this to be the case. I have recently been reading a blog on the guardian website By Juliet Jacques who documented her transition .. it makes for good reading ( I would post the link on here but I'm updating this on my phone and haven't figured out how to do that yet).

Also in the UK a new tv show has started (quite literally) its called My Transexual Summer on channel 4. I haven't seen this yet as I write from a very loud and riotous train but I shall comment on it when I have seen it.. which will be as soon as I get home to bed...

So that's all I have to say today. Excited and scared but ready to go :)

Katie

Xx 

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The 1st Major Step

So today i decided to take the next step and see a Gender Therapist. I know there is an amazing community online where people can talk and share stories but its time i went to a specialist. Tomorrow i am going to make the call and book my 1st appointment. Feeling slightly apprehensive about it, nervous and this is all before i have even booked the appointment.

Its started bringing up feelings and forgotten memories. For example, i remember when i was 4 or 5 and i would be at my cousins house. We were playing dares. I tried everything to get them to dare to me to wear girls clothes for the night. I remember daring one of them to be a boy for the night just to see if they would dare the opposite back. I was dissapointed when they never. Or when i bought a dress just to wear under my clothes not for sexual gratification but just so i could feel more girly.

This is all good. Good for me. Good for my dear friend who i have burdened with all this for years. Now im going to someone who can really help... not that she hasn't but a professional who deals with gender issues on a day to day basis. This is where the future is unknown, but ups and downs i know i have to keep strong.. So as a note to myself

KEEP STRONG!

Katie

Xx

Having The Fear?

So recently i have been contemplating getting out of the house and into the world. Already a few lovely people have been in touch regarding 'stepping out' but also thinking about the little things that i can do when in guy mode to make me feel more girly..

Then i stumbled upon this article today. Basically saying that even straight non tg men are taking to heels..

This for me poses and an interesting question.. Could i get away with wearing heels in guy mode?

Sure people will look, but maybe as a little more of a confidence booster for going into the world.

I get the fear as im sure many have before when starting out. What if's and buts. I think im a stronger person now than i was in the past, i could handle the looks , maybe even the odd comment but physical violence.
I cant hold my own. I have only ever been in 4 fights my entire life and most of them were at school when i was builled and stood up for myself. Even when people have tried to 'play' fight with me i would be defeated and rightfully so. Im happy not having the strength but this means that my fight or flight response is always flight.

There was a situation years ago when someone pulled a hammer our on me and some friends whilst we were out.. i went to run, but my female friend stood her ground and went to take him on. Fearless she is. I admire that but it could of ended badly. I still think about that day sometimes and with my older head i shudder at the thought.

I seem to have digressed here.. Thoughts on heels in guy mode? Or even what you wear?
For example i tend to wear womens jeans, not only are they girly they're more confortable :)

Katie

xx

And The Panic Is Over

It seems that i started this blog just as life took a funny turn, but the worst is over.

The new house happens on Friday, and then i can really start on the journey of discovery that i have avoided for years...

I've set up my own Facebook page that's completely unlinked to my 'male' page so i can join groups and communicate with other people freely without fear.

I also can't wait to go shopping and buy new clothes and makeup, but first i have to get myself a decent wig and breastforms... and lets face it, its not like i can ask santa now can i??

I would love to be a fly on the wall with my parents when that happened..

Mother: What would you like for christmas?

Me: breasts please

Mother : *Thud* as she hit the floor

HA!

Katie

xx

New Job...

So today i start my new job, well i say new job its more of a trial shift. I always seem to do well at these seeing as I've worked in bars/restaurants for years.. But its not a career or is it?

At what point in life should i be thinking about changing, i mean I'm 27 in a few weeks and i don't have any savings.. I've gave myself 6 months to get sorted out. I always seem to run before i can walk, one of those now now now people.. I'm aware of it so i suppose that's a start.

On a side note, i was put onto this Pintrest site.. Its basically a place where people share links and ideas, recipes, hairstyles and clothing styles.

You can find my boards here

If you like the look of it, then get in touch and ill send you an invite, its a bit quicker than waiting for the automated system to work its way through the waiting list..


Katie

xx

The day after the night before!

Ok so I may of got a little down last night..: ive recently been job hunting , which I thought was going to be easy... turns out it isn't . I've been on gumtree and sent nearly 40 C.Vs out with only 1 getting back to me and its miles away.

Adding to this the fact I'm supposed to be moving into a flat this week, but with no job I really don't know if that's going to be possible ...

All I really want is to get settled so I can start pushing on with my life and the changes I want to make.. but as they say tomorrow is another day.

K Xx

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Didn't take long...

You know what I hate ? Is knowing someone soo well that you are aware when ur being ignored! My friend Does it all the time when I'm with her, but to have the person you feel closest to in the whole world does it to you.. it hurts .. alot!

I'd rather she just b honest and say she can't be bothered be it via answering or sending a text. Especially if they know the kind of week you have been going through.

I wonder sometimes if I've made the right decision heaving my life ... sad day today.

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Shoes Shoes Shoes!

I have a looove of shoes, what girl doesn't, the higher the better!

I saw these AMAZING and completely out of my price range at the moment shoes from Amiclubwear (ive only got some primark shoes , but shoes none the less) but i will one day own these!

Here we go, Welcome to my Mind!!

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