The potatoes did it!

Oh dear, do I feel fragile today! Last night was vodka night.. ended up a little worse for wear shall we say!

Todays recovery has been aided by me watching an absurd number of transition videos on YouTube. Some I've seen before others are new. But one thing is parent apparent from watching them... I want to get started now!!

I know transitioning takes time...years intact so it looks like aswell as confidence, I also need to learn to be patient. Grr

On the plus side, both my housemates are cool with what's going to happen, had a jolly good chat last night . So this Friday Katie is going on the razzle dazzle in town. I can't wait. This is going to be one help of a long week!

I'm sure there will be pictures, I don't think ill put them on here yet tho... Don't think I'm ready to let them loose on the world... Even if it is on a secret little blog that noone reads. I'm not bothered either , this is for me. I decide when things happen and what goes on here!

Anyways, away for dinner and chat with a few girlies, so a good night ahead :D

Xxxx

An appointment is all i ask!

So today was a day of try try try! Been trying to re-book myself in at the local gender clinic. This is after i failed to give the right post code last time i called... but i couldn't get through.

No matter when i phoned, i kept getting the answering machine. I do hope they answer tomorrow feel like i need to really get moving now. I have really been pushing myself alot lately, to build confidence and hopefully this will help me achieve my next milestone point.

I know its a poor post this one, but an update none the less....

Katie

xx

The Sunday Update

As part of my continuing journey and commitment to this blog, i have decided to update at least once a week and seeing as i tend to do very little on a Sunday, then this shall be my day to update.

Alot has happened this week. After living in basic poverty the past couple of months, i finally got paid from my new job. Which has perked me up to no avail. They say money cant buy you happiness, but it certinally makes me feel alot better. So after paying all my bills off, and sorting out financies, i had just enough spare to have not only a night out, but also to do a little shopping :)

So i got some new jeans, a pair of boots that are fast becoming my favorite.I was bold as i could be and bought them in a shop, no silly excuses about them being for a girlfriend. Just bought them and paid. I dont know why i succumb to 'the fear' as i had no trouble. I know that if i take the little steps then the big steps will be alot easier when it comes around.

So Friday came around and it was the staff night out. I got my nails done, straightened my hair, got my new jeans and boots on. I teamed it with a male tshirt thats a bit androgynous and a little cardigan. I had a BALL!! seriously i felt amazing. The only problem is i get very loose lipped when i get a drink in me and i hate to think what i was telling people. Oh well.. keep my head high and carry on!

Today was another good day, Went out to the shops, nails, hair, and femme outfit on.. I still had the comfort of having my headphones on, to block out the sound and stares of the world. But its something im going to have to get used to... day by day (Oh my i sound like a recovering addict)

Ok, i still haven't had the guts and gusto to go out in a dress... but that day is coming.. i know as i can feel it.

So with confidence levels building and feeling more comfortable in myself i cant wait for my next pay day when i will have more money for myself and i can get a new wig, a better one that costs a little more than the one i have now... oh and new clothes of course :)

I would also like to say Hi to anyone who is actually reading this (why anyone would want to ). I dont bite and would love to hear from anyone, either in comments or via my email

Katiegl84@gmail.com

Katie

xxxx

A refreshing update!

Ok, so apparently i have already managed to let this blog slip into the realms of abandonment... Im sorry blog, ill try harder.

Also has happened since my last post. I have moved into a house with 2 other (real)girls, changed job completely and had a shopping spree.

So all is going well, apart from progression forwards. I know what i want to do , but i still have trouble finding the strength within to do it. I feel tho i have got better, and have started wearing nail varnish to work, and femme jeans.. Got some looks but ill survive, its character building right??

But what i dont like is people talking about me when im standing right in front of them.
1 its rude!
2.its really rude
3.who the hell are you to tell me how to live my life!

but its hard to stand up to people at the time, but trust me, there day will come, they will get there comeuppance mark my words



Katie
xx

It really really could happen.

Well... today I made my first contact with the clinic. I'm on my way.. ahhh!

So here's how it went down..

I called up and made the appointment , the woman on the other end of the phoned asked my my age. When I told her she said "oh so your old" Not what I wanted to hear,especially seeing as i am having a quarter life crisis these days. Then I couldn't find my address for the new house.. pretty sure I have gave her the wrong flat number :( so ill have to check when I move that I got it right.

I was told that they will be sending me a confirmation letter as standard procedure but my appointment may not be till the new year.

I expected this to be the case. I have recently been reading a blog on the guardian website By Juliet Jacques who documented her transition .. it makes for good reading ( I would post the link on here but I'm updating this on my phone and haven't figured out how to do that yet).

Also in the UK a new tv show has started (quite literally) its called My Transexual Summer on channel 4. I haven't seen this yet as I write from a very loud and riotous train but I shall comment on it when I have seen it.. which will be as soon as I get home to bed...

So that's all I have to say today. Excited and scared but ready to go :)

Katie

Xx 

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The 1st Major Step

So today i decided to take the next step and see a Gender Therapist. I know there is an amazing community online where people can talk and share stories but its time i went to a specialist. Tomorrow i am going to make the call and book my 1st appointment. Feeling slightly apprehensive about it, nervous and this is all before i have even booked the appointment.

Its started bringing up feelings and forgotten memories. For example, i remember when i was 4 or 5 and i would be at my cousins house. We were playing dares. I tried everything to get them to dare to me to wear girls clothes for the night. I remember daring one of them to be a boy for the night just to see if they would dare the opposite back. I was dissapointed when they never. Or when i bought a dress just to wear under my clothes not for sexual gratification but just so i could feel more girly.

This is all good. Good for me. Good for my dear friend who i have burdened with all this for years. Now im going to someone who can really help... not that she hasn't but a professional who deals with gender issues on a day to day basis. This is where the future is unknown, but ups and downs i know i have to keep strong.. So as a note to myself

KEEP STRONG!

Katie

Xx

Having The Fear?

So recently i have been contemplating getting out of the house and into the world. Already a few lovely people have been in touch regarding 'stepping out' but also thinking about the little things that i can do when in guy mode to make me feel more girly..

Then i stumbled upon this article today. Basically saying that even straight non tg men are taking to heels..

This for me poses and an interesting question.. Could i get away with wearing heels in guy mode?

Sure people will look, but maybe as a little more of a confidence booster for going into the world.

I get the fear as im sure many have before when starting out. What if's and buts. I think im a stronger person now than i was in the past, i could handle the looks , maybe even the odd comment but physical violence.
I cant hold my own. I have only ever been in 4 fights my entire life and most of them were at school when i was builled and stood up for myself. Even when people have tried to 'play' fight with me i would be defeated and rightfully so. Im happy not having the strength but this means that my fight or flight response is always flight.

There was a situation years ago when someone pulled a hammer our on me and some friends whilst we were out.. i went to run, but my female friend stood her ground and went to take him on. Fearless she is. I admire that but it could of ended badly. I still think about that day sometimes and with my older head i shudder at the thought.

I seem to have digressed here.. Thoughts on heels in guy mode? Or even what you wear?
For example i tend to wear womens jeans, not only are they girly they're more confortable :)

Katie

xx